Happy New Year!

Like all of you, I have been thinking of new goals for the new year. Who doesn’t want to start out a new year with new behaviors? It is a season that we tend to reflect on our previous year and feel we are offered an opportunity to improve. Josh asked me what my 3 goals were for the upcoming year and to be honest, I haven’t answered him. I want to be very specific yet broad all at the same time. Does anyone else feel that way?

Focusing on one goal at a time

I listen to a lot of podcasts during my drives to and from work. I mean, a lot of podcasts, too many podcasts! Although they are all valuable, they leave me feeling like I can conquer the world! I tend to get too many ideas and become way to ambitious! My grandiose ideas steer me into too many lanes and I am not nearly as laser focused as I should be on specific goals.

One thing I have learned, but still need to work on, is that you should start with one specific goal. If you set your eyes on several goals and do not focus on one, you will end up doing everything half-assed (sorry for the language). As Rachel Hollis has said, if you throw a bunch of pebbles into a lake, it will make small ripples in the water but not much movement. Now, throw a boulder into the lake and you’ll make a ginormous splash and some serious movement!

We all need to see some serious movement within the goals we have set for ourselves. Movement means progress which will continue to motivate you to keep fighting for that particular goal. Without movement, progress, and motivation, you may begin to feel discouraged and will quit.

Declare your goal

Once you have picked out your one particular goal – say it out loud! Not only should you say it, you should scream it from the roof tops! I am going to…..!!! Tell your spouse, your best friend, your parents, or just scream it out loud in your car (I’ve done that before and it actually worked). Also, this is important, you must be resolute and state your goal in the form of a statement. Do not say, I want to run a 5K, rather say, “I am going to run a 5K!” When you declare a goal, say it as though it is DEFINITELY going to happen!

My goal for this year

So here it goes, my declaration: I am going to present at two speaking engagements this year! Now, I am specifying two events because I already have one speaking engagement scheduled. I would be cheating myself, lying to all of you, and not challenging myself if I do not go beyond what I have planned already. I have decided to challenge myself and put myself out there a bit this year. Do I love public speaking, no – not really at all. But I see an opportunity to share some things I’m passionate about. I have had personal experiences that I feel other people would benefit from hearing about.

Speaking Engagement #1

This month, I will be speaking at a Women’s Winter Retreat hosted by Allerton Retreat Center and CUltivate. A great friend mentioned that she was going to be presenting and wondered if I would be interested as well. I thought, sure! In full transparency, I was not chosen to speak at this event nor did I apply. I emailed a chairperson, shared a topic idea that I feel I am knowledgeable in that would benefit women, and she said, “Sure!” So I will be presenting Clean Living – Why you should consider leading a cleaner lifestyle. I do not presume to be perfect in this topic, but as I have learned more I feel the need to share more.

Here in the U.S., there is a significant lack of regulation to protect us as consumers, especially from the ingredients in personal care products. Click HERE to learn how to keep you and your family safe. Or read this post on Phthalates, to understand why you should steer clear of them!

Sorry, I digress – but if you are local and interested in learning some valuable information to enhance your personal or professional life from some amazing local women, consider signing up for the Women’s Winter Retreat! I am looking forward to meeting new women, developing new friendships, networking, relaxing and learning ways to improve myself and have a kick butt year! I’d love to see you there!

Speaking Engagement #2

My second speaking engagement in 2020 is not as much of a sure thing. I have no idea if I will actually get the opportunity to present, but I really want this one! I pray that my passion and what I envision for this topic are portrayed clearly in my submission. If you are the praying kind, I’m not afraid to ask for a little prayer for this one. The topic is incredibly relevant in the arena and I feel that it could really affect the attendees.

Honestly, I wasn’t going to declare my goal on here, but I felt a bit hypocritical, and I do not like hypocrites, so here it goes. I am going to speak at a nursing conference in a concurrent session on the importance of Family-Centered Care. Did you see how I stated it although I actually have no idea if it will actually happen!

After years have passed, I have come to the realization that I have been blessed with a different perspective. Although, it has taken me awhile to consider it a blessing. After being a NICU nurse for years and a NNP, sitting on the other side of the isolette as a mother of a 23 weeker, forever changed me. I know William’s story will change other lives as well and be incredibly impactful. So I am going to do it!

What are your goals?

It is time to dream, my friends. If not today, then when?

State your goal, then start to work backwards to figure out how you are going to achieve it. Write those steps down. Make sure the steps are measurable and concrete. Vagueness is a cop-out. Be brave, precise, and bold. If it was easy, you would have done it already. But you need very specific steps to get you to your dream. Write them down, dig deep, and get to work!

What you need to get started

Planners

Depending on your goal, you may need very specific things. But to start, I recommend a planner. Even with all of the technology, I still find it necessary and productive to have a paper planner. To keep yourself organized and on task, you should have a space to write down your daily, weekly and monthly priorities and goals. I really like this one by Clever Fox.

Or this beauty by Smart Planner Pro. What I love about this planner is that it also has a place for daily gratitude. Practicing gratitude on a daily basis is an amazing behavior to adapt. Focusing on your daily blessings trains your mind to naturally see and appreciate the good things in your life.

The Pens

Now, here is the one thing I promise you need for the new year – in addition to all of the above! 😉 Amazing Pens! I have found the creme de la creme of pens! If you are a nurse or nurse practitioner, you understand the important of a good pen!

Also, because I love a clean and flawless organizer, checkbook etc. without marks all over it, I have found erasable pens – that actually work! Not only are the pens erasable, but they write beautifully and come in gorgeous colors so you can color coordinate your planner! Yes, nerd alert!!! The pens are from FriXion and they come in a colorful pack of 7 – Check them out HERE!

Happy New Year! I hope you all have an amazing year ahead of you! Reach for the stars, declare your goal, dig in and go for it! I’d love to hear what your goal is for the year, so please comment!

Love, Nicole

Celebrating all mothers on Mother’s Day

Honoring all mothers on Mother's Day — Our family

The grief that may come to many on Mother’s Day

I wanted to take a minute and explain why I believe all mothers should be honored on Mother’s Day. It should be a joyous day, but it may not be for everyone. The weeks building up to it and the actual day can be difficult for many people. We are blessed enough to still have my mother and mother-in-law in our lives, but many people have lost their mothers, and mourn them even more on Mother’s Day. Many women have hopes of becoming a mother, but for whatever reason, often due to infertility or other complications, that dream has yet to be fulfilled. For many women, they mourn for their children that they were never able to meet alive or some have gone through the horrific tragedy of losing their child. A day that is meant to be joyful can quickly turn into a day that many may dread or have a hard time getting through.

The different types of mothers we need to honor

Many women may not have children of their own, but they may play the role of a mother. We also need to celebrate those women as well! You may be an aunt, a teacher, a mentor, or an amazing friend – remember, you mean so much to those children, do not take your role lightly, and celebrate it! You may be a step-mother and you are unsure of your place, but believe me, your role is incredibly important!

Being a step-mother

I officially became a mother to my step-daughter, Reece, when Josh and I got married in September of 2013. We have definitely had our ups and downs, but overall, we have a great relationship. Has it been difficult? Absolutely! Becoming a step-mom has been one of the most difficult experiences I have ever been through. I often feel as though I’m the first one to blame and the last one to thank. I care so much and I have the best intentions in mind, but I often feel that my opinion and role are second fiddle because I am just her step-mom.

Defining your role as a step-mother

I know some step-mothers struggle with which role they will play – will they be more of a friend or a mom. For me, I instantly took on the motherly role. Although, at the young age of 6, Reece gave me the line, “you’re not my mom” after I had scolded her one time very quickly. 🙂 I have always known that she may not like me in the moment, but I know that deep down she does love me. It brings me so much joy to see how kind, loving, and well-mannered she is – or at least as much as a thirteen year old can be 😉 She loves Jesus and is an amazing big sister! I feel blessed to have had an opportunity to play a small part in her life! Although it hasn’t been easy, I feel like we are better than we have ever been and I’m excited to see what our future holds!

William, my first born

William. He has taught me more than anyone in my life thus far! Throughout my pregnancy and since he took his first breath, nothing has been easy for him, but he has continued to persevere. He had to be emergently delivered at 23 4/7 weeks and weighed only 1 lb, 6 oz.

Living in the NICU – Living with no regrets

He is now a strong, funny, sarcastic, smart, shy, strong-willed, determined 5-year old. After 91 days in the NICU, we were able to bring him home. Once we walked out of those NICU doors, I was completely a different person and with an renewed sense of trust, faith, hope, and belief. I feel so blessed to be his mother. Josh used to get after me when William was in the NICU because I spent all of my waking hours sitting next to his isolette or holding him when I could. It was the most helpless feeling I have ever experienced. As a Mom, I wanted to protect him and I believed as though I had already failed him in that regard. I could not protect him in the womb, so I had told myself that I was going to sit there and fight the fight with him. If God forbid anything happened to him, I did not want to have any regrets. Considering everything he had to endure and for how hard he had to fight, the least I could do was sit there, pray with him, sing to him, love him, and support him.

My strong-WILLed 5 year old

William is doing remarkably well considering he was born so prematurely. There are still some things that are more difficult for him. It is hard to decipher what may be due to his prematurity versus him just being William. And in reality, it doesn’t really matter. But as a mother, to see your child struggle is incredibly difficult. All I have ever wanted to do is protect him and I can’t always do that, even now. He is definitely a little spoiled, but still so kind, incredibly strong-willed and he has such a big heart.

He made me a Mama — William and I at his fifth birthday party

My personal struggle with miscarriages

After William, we waited awhile, but then decided to proceed with building our family. I became pregnant and Josh and I were cautiously optimistic. Just as in William’s pregnancy, my first trimester went by very smoothly. But as I entered into the second trimester, I quickly began to have problems that mimicked my pregnancy with William. Unfortunately, unlike William’s pregnancy, they were unable to stop the preterm labor and I delivered my son Weston at 14 weeks. That same year, I experienced another miscarriage in my 8th week of pregnancy. I think of the babies I lost EVERY. SINGLE. DAY, but Mother’s Day is extremely difficult for me.

If you have experienced a miscarriage or know someone who has, please visit HERE and listen to my conversation, Working Through Emotions After a Miscarriage with Julia Pascoe, LCSW.

Honoring your infants after a miscarriage — Remembering mothers who have had a miscarriage or loss

Bereaved Mother’s Day

There is a day called International Bereaved Mother’s Day that is celebrated the week before Mother’s Day. It is dedicated to remember mothers who have either lost a child or have not been able to conceive. I like the idea of this, but at the same time, I also believe that these women should be honored on Mother’s Day. They are still mothers and always will be. Even if I was not lucky enough to have Reece or William, I would still be a Mama to Weston and Baby Nyberg.

So next year, please remember those who may struggle a little more on Mother’s Day. Talk to them about it and do not be afraid to tell them Happy Mother’s Day!