How are you coping through the Coronavirus pandemic?

How are you really coping through the Coronavirus pandemic? The reality is that we are amidst a time of uncertainty that is unlike anything any of us have experienced before.

We are scared, worried, sad, maybe even mad and frustrated. I do not think any of us initially knew or understood the severity of what was happening in the other countries until it affected ours. 

So many disappointments…

I am embarrassed to now admit that I was upset college basketball and March Madness were cancelled. Initially, I was in denial that my conference in Hawaii, where I was meant to present, was going to be cancelled. 

I was disappointed that my son’s 6th birthday would be different than what we had envisioned for him. 

I am heartbroken that my nephew’s senior year in high school has ended this way. No baseball season, no prom, and no formal graduation. A time in our youth’s life when these events mean everything to them. A time they will not get back with their friends before heading off to college, the military, or trade school. 

Or seniors in college who have worked so hard to earn their degree. With just a few more months to cherish their time as a “kid” before heading off to the real world. 

Or even those senior college basketball players that thought this was going to be their year. Not only were they going to make it to “the Big Dance” but they had dreams of winning the whole tournament. Dreams that we will never have an answer for. 

Stepping back and gaining perspective

perspective, gratefulness, appreciation, thankful, gain perspective, coronavirus, coping, covid19, grateful,

But although those disappointments may mean the world to so many people, there is something so much more detrimental going on. 

So many Americans and people around the world that have lost their life to this horrific virus.

There are people that have lost their jobs or other who are concerned if their businesses can sustain the pandemic.

Or all of the healthcare workers and first responders that are risking their lives everyday to care for others. Read HERE to see how I honored the healthcare workers for their continued bravery and selflessness. This One is For the Heroes, was just a small way that I could say, “thank you!”

Embracing the positives changes

Although our lives have been flipped upside down, once we are back to standing right side up, we will see some positive outcomes.

The gift of time. The extra time you have been given with your family, you will not get back! The ability to slow down, pause, and reflect will vanish just as quickly as the stay-at-home order came. 

Although it doesn’t seem possible, we will look back on this time and forget some of the details.

I want to be able to look back on this time and remember the fear, anxiety, and worry I have been feeling. But also to remember the warmth, kindness, beauty and joy that I have witnessed and felt during this time. 

So I developed a questionnaire to capture all of those feelings. There is one unique for each age group – something my whole family can look back and reflect on.

The Coronavirus Time Capsule Questionnaire addresses our current feelings about the pandemic. What concerns you the most? How are our children coping? But most importantly, how this time of reflection will impact our future. 

I plan to take my new perspectives after all of this and be all the better because of it. If we cannot improve ourselves after a storm, then what is the point? If we cannot learn to appreciate the small things and God’s blessing during and after a nationwide pandemic – then when will we ever?!?

Making lemonade out of lemons!

My son’s birthday ended up being spectacular! We had a mini parade on a beautiful day with a fire truck, police car, “yellow tanker truck”, as well as our family and friends that all adore William!

Firemen are heroes. Fire truck to help celebrate birthday during Coronavirus.

A greater appreciation after a new perspective

My hope is that once this passes, we will all have gained an even greater appreciation for things and people we previously took for granted.

For me, I have developed an even greater appreciation for teachers, hair stylists, dog groomers, and all of the first responders and healthcare workers.

I appreciate my ability to freely go to the store, the gym, to go shopping or to a restaurant. While out and about, I cannot wait to see all of the smiles on everyone’s faces that are currently being hidden by masks.

When I hug my parents, friends, and family, I plan to squeeze them a little tighter and take a moment to cherish it even more. And church! Oh my goodness how I will thank God for my ability to sing and worship again inside a church every week!

Family Time

And although I struggle to keep my son occupied at times, I am cherishing every moment I have with that boy. I have been given the gift of time with him. Time I will not get back. He will head off to full-day kindergarten this Fall. Other than summer breaks, these are the last full days I will have with him. I have been given a gift. 

I appreciate the quiet time at home with my family. No running errands, or to appointments and activities. No running. Just quiet, quality time with my family. How wonderful!

What are you grateful for during this time?

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Grief, grace, and guidance

Lastly, it is okay to not be okay. None of us have navigated through something like this before. Show yourself some grace, but bestow it upon others as well. 

Call or reach out to friends and family, especially those that live alone. Pray, meditate, exercise, or take a nice walk. Make sure you care for yourself physically and emotionally in the midst of this pandemic.

Fill your cup by finding church services online, read the Bible or pick up that book you’ve been wanting to read. Pause and enjoy the extra time you have been given with your family. 

But, if you are having trouble moving past your sadness or you just need someone to speak to, please reach out to a therapist or counselor. Many therapists are offering virtual sessions. It is okay to ask for guidance through this time of uncertainty. 

We will get through this! I am here for you! Be well!

Celebrating and honoring all mothers on Mother’s Day

Celebrating all mothers on Mother’s Day

Honoring all mothers on Mother's Day
Our family

The grief that may come to many on Mother’s Day

I wanted to take a minute and explain why I believe all mothers should be honored on Mother’s Day.  It should be a joyous day, but it may not be for everyone.  The weeks building up to it and the actual day can be difficult for many people.  We are blessed enough to still have my mother and mother-in-law in our lives, but many people have lost their mothers, and mourn them even more on Mother’s Day.  Many women have hopes of becoming a mother, but for whatever reason, often due to infertility or other complications, that dream has yet to be fulfilled. For many women, they mourn for their children that they were never able to meet alive or some have gone through the horrific tragedy of losing their child.  A day that is meant to be joyful can quickly turn into a day that many may dread or have a hard time getting through.

The different types of mothers we need to honor

Many women may not have children of their own, but they may play the role of a mother.  We also need to celebrate those women as well! You may be an aunt, a teacher, a mentor, or an amazing friend – remember, you mean so much to those children, do not take your role lightly, and celebrate it!  You may be a step-mother and you are unsure of your place, but believe me, your role is incredibly important!

Being a step-mother

I officially became a mother to my step-daughter, Reece, when Josh and I got married in September of 2013.  We have definitely had our ups and downs, but overall, we have a great relationship.  Has it been difficult? Absolutely! Becoming a step-mom has been one of the most difficult experiences I have ever been through.  I often feel as though I’m the first one to blame and the last one to thank.  I care so much and I have the best intentions in mind, but I often feel that my opinion and role are second fiddle because I am just her step-mom.

Defining your role as a step-mother

I know some step-mothers struggle with which role they will play – will they be more of a friend or a mom.  For me, I instantly took on the motherly role.  Although, at the young age of 6, Reece gave me the line, “you’re not my mom” after I had scolded her one time very quickly.  🙂 I have always known that she may not like me in the moment, but I know that deep down she does love me.  It brings me so much joy to see how kind, loving, and well-mannered she is – or at least as much as a thirteen year old can be 😉  She loves Jesus and is an amazing big sister! I feel blessed to have had an opportunity to play a small part in her life! Although it hasn’t been easy, I feel like we are better than we have ever been and I’m excited to see what our future holds!

Being a step-mom
Reece and I

William, my first born

William.  He has taught me more than anyone in my life thus far!  Throughout my pregnancy and since he took his first breath, nothing has been easy for him, but he has continued to persevere.  He had to be emergently delivered at 23 4/7 weeks and weighed only 1 lb, 6 oz.

Living in the NICU – Living with no regrets

He is now a strong, funny, sarcastic, smart, shy, strong-willed, determined 5-year old.  After 91 days in the NICU, we were able to bring him home.  Once we walked out of those NICU doors, I was completely a different person and with an renewed sense of trust, faith, hope, and belief.  I feel so blessed to be his mother.  Josh used to get after me when William was in the NICU because I spent all of my waking hours sitting next to his isolette or holding him when I could.  It was the most helpless feeling I have ever experienced.  As a Mom, I wanted to protect him and I believed as though I had already failed him in that regard.  I could not protect him in the womb, so I had told myself that I was going to sit there and fight the fight with him.  If God forbid anything happened to him, I did not want to have any regrets.  Considering everything he had to endure and for how hard he had to fight, the least I could do was sit there, pray with him, sing to him, love him, and support him.

My strong-WILLed 5 year old

William is doing remarkably well considering he was born so prematurely.  There are still some things that are more difficult for him.  It is hard to decipher what may be due to his prematurity versus him just being William.  And in reality, it doesn’t really matter.  But as a mother, to see your child struggle is incredibly difficult.  All I have ever wanted to do is protect him and I can’t always do that, even now.  He is definitely a little spoiled, but still so kind, incredibly strong-willed and he has such a big heart.

He made me a Mama
William and I at his fifth birthday party

My personal struggle with miscarriages

After William, we waited awhile, but then decided to proceed with building our family.  I became pregnant and Josh and I were cautiously optimistic.  Just as in William’s pregnancy, my first trimester went by very smoothly.  But as I entered into the second trimester, I quickly began to have problems that mimicked my pregnancy with William.  Unfortunately, unlike William’s pregnancy, they were unable to stop the preterm labor and I delivered my son Weston at 14 weeks.  That same year, I experienced another miscarriage in my 8th week of pregnancy.  I think of the babies I lost EVERY. SINGLE. DAY, but Mother’s Day is extremely difficult for me.

If you have experienced a miscarriage or know someone who has, please visit HERE and listen to my conversation, Working Through Emotions After a Miscarriage with Julia Pascoe, LCSW.

Honoring your infants after a miscarriage
Remembering mothers who have had a miscarriage or loss

Bereaved Mother’s Day

There is a day called International Bereaved Mother’s Day that is celebrated the week before Mother’s Day.  It is dedicated to remember mothers who have either lost a child or have not been able to conceive.  I like the idea of this, but at the same time, I also believe that these women should be honored on Mother’s Day.  They are still mothers and always will be.  Even if I was not lucky enough to have Reece or William, I would still be a Mama to Weston and Baby Nyberg.

So next year, please remember those who may struggle a little more on Mother’s Day.  Talk to them about it and do not be afraid to tell them Happy Mother’s Day!

Has your sorrow ever blindsided you on a Monday afternoon?

 

Moving on from your grief – or are you?

I am just like you.  I have grief and anguish that rises up within me on a daily basis from previous chapters in my story.  Someone may look at me on the outside and assume that my heart has not been completely crumbled and that I do not have daily struggles. In my professional life, I am able to go to work, do my job well and for the most part, hold it together.  But, I am broken on the inside too. I have been able to put one foot in front of the other and move on from my losses.  But that’s just it, I have moved on, but not through my many layers of pain.  

Sadly, the pain that we carry inside of us from our difficult chapters will follow us until we work through it.  Over time, we will just keep piling up our baggage until we almost break physically and mentally.  

How do you know when you aren’t handling your grief well?

Late last year I finally admitted to myself that I was struggling.  There seemed to be more bad days than good.  Looking back now, I knew that I was not my best self for awhile before that day.  I was snapping more at my family and I was much more short-tempered and sometimes, just mean.  I realized that I had never actually worked through my pain and losses.  It is amazing how time still moves on regardless of what you may personally be going through.  Before you know it, a few days pass by, followed by a month, then years.

Has your sorrow ever blindsided you on a Monday afternoon?

You may be at work, playing with your kids, or driving in your car and you’re hit with complete and utter sadness and hopelessness.  Have you ever experienced such sadness that it physically makes you buckle in the knees and fall to the floor in complete despair? I know I have! Listen HERE to hear a recent and raw personal experience of mine.

Do you have moments of just wanting to crawl into hole and cry like a baby but you somehow force yourself to keep it together because you are in front of your children or at work.  Personally, I try my best to not get upset in front of my son because he becomes very distraught if he sees me crying and tells me that I’m not sad which is his way to convince himself that I’m okay.  Over time, you may even become impressed by your own ability to repeatedly shove the pain down and tuck it away for a “different day.”  

Have you ever been ashamed of how sad you really are – even to your spouse?

Have you ever tried to hide from your husband when you couldn’t control the tears running down your face?  You are simply too ashamed and cannot bear to see that look in his eyes again, full of worry, concern or worse yet – judgement. Do you smile, laugh at jokes and continue to show everyone on the outside just how well you really are doing?  Yes, yes, and yes!!!  Unfortunately, the facade you present to the outside world just hinders the inevitable and your ability to truly heal.

Does the thought of seeing a therapist make you feel ashamed?

I have felt and done all of the aforementioned.  Moving on and not actually through your grief and sadness is a great defense mechanism.  Many of us have perfected it out of necessity, but it will not lend well to your current and future well-being.  For me, I had told myself that have a family, a busy job, a home to care for and quite honestly, I just didn’t have the time to go and talk to someone – or maybe I just didn’t think that I needed to.  

Does the thought of seeing a therapist scare you or make you feel ashamed? Not me! I love therapy! I think I was just in denial that I needed help and sadly, as a mother and wife often does, I was putting everyone else’s needs above my own – until I couldn’t any more.  By carrying all of the weight of my sadness and grief, I was not serving my family well – or more importantly, myself! Happy wife, happy life – rather healthy wife, healthy life!  

Progress, not perfection

I still deal with some of my sadness on a daily basis, but I am in the process of working through it.  Progress, not perfection.  Deep down, I know that there are pieces of my heart that cannot be completely mended back together, but I do believe that with therapy and support from friends and family that I can start living my best life.  

I am hopeful that as I continue to slowly work through my pain, disappointment, and grief that I am able to help you or someone you love who may be struggling as well.  If you feel as though you are having a difficult time moving beyond your sadness and grief, I also encourage you to find a friend, support group, counselor or therapist to start working through your grief.  We will get there!  

If you or someone you know has had a miscarriage or the loss of an infant, please consider reading this post with some optional podcasts to listen to where I sit down with my friend, Julia Pascoe, LCSW. We discuss working through the many different emotions after a miscarriage as well as the anger, guilt, and loss of control many woman endure. I am here to offer support and help and most importantly, for you to know that you are not alone. 

 

 

What is your story?

“Wake up Nicole, you had a baby boy.” The words I had been waiting to hear since I was a little girl dreaming of my future family. But my reality was far from the perfect story I had envisioned all of those years before.

What is your story? We all have a story. I have a story. My story is not extraordinary but it’s my story and is has forever changed me and the person I am today. I have had some great and glorious chapters in my story, but I have also endured some very difficult experiences in my life that were completely out of my control. Admitting that I do not have control over many chapters in my story is a very difficult concept for me to grasp and accept, and it may be for you as well. But how do you handle those left turns that knock you off of your feet? Regardless of our personal stories, we do have the ability to change some of the chapters in our lives. What kind of person are you? When something devastating occurs in your life, are you someone who will fall down to the ground in complete despair, with feelings of utter hopelessness and with the complete inability to move and get back up? Or are you someone who collapses to the floor, has a moment, but with time accepts what has happened, and begins to dig deep down inside to find the inner strength and determination to pull yourself back up and fight? The beauty of owning your own life story, is that you can change the chapters in your story! It is up to you!

Welcome to my new blog! My name is Nicole Nyberg. I am not a motivational speaker, nor am I a therapist. I am a woman, a daughter, a sister, a wife, a mom, a step-mom, a co-worker, and a friend who, just like you has experienced real life situations. I have learned some things through each of the chapters in my life and I continue to learn new things everyday! Have you ever felt like an experience in your life has repeated itself? As I look back on my life, I can now appreciate that sometimes a situation has repeated itself over and over until I actually came out of my fog and was able to learn the intended lesson – even if it took several times (insert eye roll)! My “Clean Up Your Act” blog is a place where I hope to share stories, laughter, ideas, joy, suggestions, generosity, tips, recommendations, and sometimes even a swift kick in the rear to help you clean up your act on the inside and out! I will speak very directly to you (and try to not be offensive) to help encourage you to take your life by the horns, accept the good, the bad, and the ugly and begin to live your best life! Now is the time to get up off the ground, accept your reality, take responsibility for your own actions and change the chapters in your life!

I will never pretend to have all of the answers nor will I put on a masquerade that my life and my well-being are in a perfect state. I have made and continue to make mistakes in my life on a daily basis just like you! I have been learning a lot over the last few years about living a cleaner life. I try to closely watch what I put into my mouth, what we put on our bodies, and how we clean our home. After hearing some of the absurd statistics regarding harmful chemicals in our food, personal care products, and cleaning products, I cannot unlearn the information and will not go back to living the way that I used to! Lately, I have also been focusing more on my mental and physical well-being and am working towards being a better version of myself. Again, I am a work in progress and will never claim perfection, but I hope you will join me in my journey! Thank you for taking time from your busy life to read my first blog! Be well, Nicole.