How are you really coping through the Coronavirus pandemic? The reality is that we are amidst a time of uncertainty that is unlike anything any of us have experienced before.

We are scared, worried, sad, maybe even mad and frustrated. I do not think any of us initially knew or understood the severity of what was happening in the other countries until it affected ours.

So many disappointments…

I am embarrassed to now admit that I was upset college basketball and March Madness were cancelled. Initially, I was in denial that my conference in Hawaii, where I was meant to present, was going to be cancelled.

I was disappointed that my son’s 6th birthday would be different than what we had envisioned for him.

I am heartbroken that my nephew’s senior year in high school has ended this way. No baseball season, no prom, and no formal graduation. A time in our youth’s life when these events mean everything to them. A time they will not get back with their friends before heading off to college, the military, or trade school.

Or seniors in college who have worked so hard to earn their degree. With just a few more months to cherish their time as a “kid” before heading off to the real world.

Or even those senior college basketball players that thought this was going to be their year. Not only were they going to make it to “the Big Dance” but they had dreams of winning the whole tournament. Dreams that we will never have an answer for.

Stepping back and gaining perspective

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But although those disappointments may mean the world to so many people, there is something so much more detrimental going on.

So many Americans and people around the world that have lost their life to this horrific virus.

There are people that have lost their jobs or other who are concerned if their businesses can sustain the pandemic.

Or all of the healthcare workers and first responders that are risking their lives everyday to care for others. Read HERE to see how I honored the healthcare workers for their continued bravery and selflessness. This One is For the Heroes, was just a small way that I could say, “thank you!”

Embracing the positives changes

Although our lives have been flipped upside down, once we are back to standing right side up, we will see some positive outcomes.

The gift of time. The extra time you have been given with your family, you will not get back! The ability to slow down, pause, and reflect will vanish just as quickly as the stay-at-home order came.

Although it doesn’t seem possible, we will look back on this time and forget some of the details.

I want to be able to look back on this time and remember the fear, anxiety, and worry I have been feeling. But also to remember the warmth, kindness, beauty and joy that I have witnessed and felt during this time.

So I developed a questionnaire to capture all of those feelings. There is one unique for each age group – something my whole family can look back and reflect on.

The Coronavirus Time Capsule Questionnaire addresses our current feelings about the pandemic. What concerns you the most? How are our children coping? But most importantly, how this time of reflection will impact our future.

I plan to take my new perspectives after all of this and be all the better because of it. If we cannot improve ourselves after a storm, then what is the point? If we cannot learn to appreciate the small things and God’s blessing during and after a nationwide pandemic – then when will we ever?!?

Making lemonade out of lemons!

My son’s birthday ended up being spectacular! We had a mini parade on a beautiful day with a fire truck, police car, “yellow tanker truck”, as well as our family and friends that all adore William!

Firemen are heroes. Fire truck to help celebrate birthday during Coronavirus.

A greater appreciation after a new perspective

My hope is that once this passes, we will all have gained an even greater appreciation for things and people we previously took for granted.

For me, I have developed an even greater appreciation for teachers, hair stylists, dog groomers, and all of the first responders and healthcare workers.

I appreciate my ability to freely go to the store, the gym, to go shopping or to a restaurant. While out and about, I cannot wait to see all of the smiles on everyone’s faces that are currently being hidden by masks.

When I hug my parents, friends, and family, I plan to squeeze them a little tighter and take a moment to cherish it even more. And church! Oh my goodness how I will thank God for my ability to sing and worship again inside a church every week!

Family Time

And although I struggle to keep my son occupied at times, I am cherishing every moment I have with that boy. I have been given the gift of time with him. Time I will not get back. He will head off to full-day kindergarten this Fall. Other than summer breaks, these are the last full days I will have with him. I have been given a gift.

I appreciate the quiet time at home with my family. No running errands, or to appointments and activities. No running. Just quiet, quality time with my family. How wonderful!

What are you grateful for during this time?

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Grief, grace, and guidance

Lastly, it is okay to not be okay. None of us have navigated through something like this before. Show yourself some grace, but bestow it upon others as well.

Call or reach out to friends and family, especially those that live alone. Pray, meditate, exercise, or take a nice walk. Make sure you care for yourself physically and emotionally in the midst of this pandemic.

Fill your cup by finding church services online, read the Bible or pick up that book you’ve been wanting to read. Pause and enjoy the extra time you have been given with your family.

But, if you are having trouble moving past your sadness or you just need someone to speak to, please reach out to a therapist or counselor. Many therapists are offering virtual sessions. It is okay to ask for guidance through this time of uncertainty.

We will get through this! I am here for you! Be well!

Moving on from your grief – or are you?

I am just like you. I have grief and anguish that rises up within me on a daily basis from previous chapters in my story. Someone may look at me on the outside and assume that my heart has not been completely crumbled and that I do not have daily struggles. In my professional life, I am able to go to work, do my job well and for the most part, hold it together. But, I am broken on the inside too. I have been able to put one foot in front of the other and move on from my losses. But that’s just it, I have moved on, but not through my many layers of pain.

Sadly, the pain that we carry inside of us from our difficult chapters will follow us until we work through it. Over time, we will just keep piling up our baggage until we almost break physically and mentally.

How do you know when you aren’t handling your grief well?

Late last year I finally admitted to myself that I was struggling. There seemed to be more bad days than good. Looking back now, I knew that I was not my best self for awhile before that day. I was snapping more at my family and I was much more short-tempered and sometimes, just mean. I realized that I had never actually worked through my pain and losses. It is amazing how time still moves on regardless of what you may personally be going through. Before you know it, a few days pass by, followed by a month, then years.

Has your sorrow ever blindsided you on a Monday afternoon?

You may be at work, playing with your kids, or driving in your car and you’re hit with complete and utter sadness and hopelessness. Have you ever experienced such sadness that it physically makes you buckle in the knees and fall to the floor in complete despair? I know I have! Listen HERE to hear a recent and raw personal experience of mine.

Do you have moments of just wanting to crawl into hole and cry like a baby but you somehow force yourself to keep it together because you are in front of your children or at work. Personally, I try my best to not get upset in front of my son because he becomes very distraught if he sees me crying and tells me that I’m not sad which is his way to convince himself that I’m okay. Over time, you may even become impressed by your own ability to repeatedly shove the pain down and tuck it away for a “different day.”

Have you ever been ashamed of how sad you really are – even to your spouse?

Have you ever tried to hide from your husband when you couldn’t control the tears running down your face? You are simply too ashamed and cannot bear to see that look in his eyes again, full of worry, concern or worse yet – judgement. Do you smile, laugh at jokes and continue to show everyone on the outside just how well you really are doing? Yes, yes, and yes!!! Unfortunately, the facade you present to the outside world just hinders the inevitable and your ability to truly heal.

Does the thought of seeing a therapist make you feel ashamed?

I have felt and done all of the aforementioned. Moving on and not actually through your grief and sadness is a great defense mechanism. Many of us have perfected it out of necessity, but it will not lend well to your current and future well-being. For me, I had told myself that have a family, a busy job, a home to care for and quite honestly, I just didn’t have the time to go and talk to someone – or maybe I just didn’t think that I needed to.

Does the thought of seeing a therapist scare you or make you feel ashamed? Not me! I love therapy! I think I was just in denial that I needed help and sadly, as a mother and wife often does, I was putting everyone else’s needs above my own – until I couldn’t any more. By carrying all of the weight of my sadness and grief, I was not serving my family well – or more importantly, myself! Happy wife, happy life – rather healthy wife, healthy life!

Progress, not perfection

I still deal with some of my sadness on a daily basis, but I am in the process of working through it. Progress, not perfection. Deep down, I know that there are pieces of my heart that cannot be completely mended back together, but I do believe that with therapy and support from friends and family that I can start living my best life.

I am hopeful that as I continue to slowly work through my pain, disappointment, and grief that I am able to help you or someone you love who may be struggling as well. If you feel as though you are having a difficult time moving beyond your sadness and grief, I also encourage you to find a friend, support group, counselor or therapist to start working through your grief. We will get there!

If you or someone you know has had a miscarriage or the loss of an infant, please consider reading this post with some optional podcasts to listen to where I sit down with my friend, Julia Pascoe, LCSW. We discuss working through the many different emotions after a miscarriage as well as the anger, guilt, and loss of control many woman endure. I am here to offer support and help and most importantly, for you to know that you are not alone.