How are you coping through the Coronavirus pandemic?

How are you really coping through the Coronavirus pandemic? The reality is that we are amidst a time of uncertainty that is unlike anything any of us have experienced before.

We are scared, worried, sad, maybe even mad and frustrated. I do not think any of us initially knew or understood the severity of what was happening in the other countries until it affected ours. 

So many disappointments…

I am embarrassed to now admit that I was upset college basketball and March Madness were cancelled. Initially, I was in denial that my conference in Hawaii, where I was meant to present, was going to be cancelled. 

I was disappointed that my son’s 6th birthday would be different than what we had envisioned for him. 

I am heartbroken that my nephew’s senior year in high school has ended this way. No baseball season, no prom, and no formal graduation. A time in our youth’s life when these events mean everything to them. A time they will not get back with their friends before heading off to college, the military, or trade school. 

Or seniors in college who have worked so hard to earn their degree. With just a few more months to cherish their time as a “kid” before heading off to the real world. 

Or even those senior college basketball players that thought this was going to be their year. Not only were they going to make it to “the Big Dance” but they had dreams of winning the whole tournament. Dreams that we will never have an answer for. 

Stepping back and gaining perspective

perspective, gratefulness, appreciation, thankful, gain perspective, coronavirus, coping, covid19, grateful,

But although those disappointments may mean the world to so many people, there is something so much more detrimental going on. 

So many Americans and people around the world that have lost their life to this horrific virus.

There are people that have lost their jobs or other who are concerned if their businesses can sustain the pandemic.

Or all of the healthcare workers and first responders that are risking their lives everyday to care for others. Read HERE to see how I honored the healthcare workers for their continued bravery and selflessness. This One is For the Heroes, was just a small way that I could say, “thank you!”

Embracing the positives changes

Although our lives have been flipped upside down, once we are back to standing right side up, we will see some positive outcomes.

The gift of time. The extra time you have been given with your family, you will not get back! The ability to slow down, pause, and reflect will vanish just as quickly as the stay-at-home order came. 

Although it doesn’t seem possible, we will look back on this time and forget some of the details.

I want to be able to look back on this time and remember the fear, anxiety, and worry I have been feeling. But also to remember the warmth, kindness, beauty and joy that I have witnessed and felt during this time. 

So I developed a questionnaire to capture all of those feelings. There is one unique for each age group – something my whole family can look back and reflect on.

The Coronavirus Time Capsule Questionnaire addresses our current feelings about the pandemic. What concerns you the most? How are our children coping? But most importantly, how this time of reflection will impact our future. 

I plan to take my new perspectives after all of this and be all the better because of it. If we cannot improve ourselves after a storm, then what is the point? If we cannot learn to appreciate the small things and God’s blessing during and after a nationwide pandemic – then when will we ever?!?

Making lemonade out of lemons!

My son’s birthday ended up being spectacular! We had a mini parade on a beautiful day with a fire truck, police car, “yellow tanker truck”, as well as our family and friends that all adore William!

Firemen are heroes. Fire truck to help celebrate birthday during Coronavirus.

A greater appreciation after a new perspective

My hope is that once this passes, we will all have gained an even greater appreciation for things and people we previously took for granted.

For me, I have developed an even greater appreciation for teachers, hair stylists, dog groomers, and all of the first responders and healthcare workers.

I appreciate my ability to freely go to the store, the gym, to go shopping or to a restaurant. While out and about, I cannot wait to see all of the smiles on everyone’s faces that are currently being hidden by masks.

When I hug my parents, friends, and family, I plan to squeeze them a little tighter and take a moment to cherish it even more. And church! Oh my goodness how I will thank God for my ability to sing and worship again inside a church every week!

Family Time

And although I struggle to keep my son occupied at times, I am cherishing every moment I have with that boy. I have been given the gift of time with him. Time I will not get back. He will head off to full-day kindergarten this Fall. Other than summer breaks, these are the last full days I will have with him. I have been given a gift. 

I appreciate the quiet time at home with my family. No running errands, or to appointments and activities. No running. Just quiet, quality time with my family. How wonderful!

What are you grateful for during this time?

sunset, grateful, family time, family photo, appreciation, quite time, cherish, moments, coronavirus, covid19,

Grief, grace, and guidance

Lastly, it is okay to not be okay. None of us have navigated through something like this before. Show yourself some grace, but bestow it upon others as well. 

Call or reach out to friends and family, especially those that live alone. Pray, meditate, exercise, or take a nice walk. Make sure you care for yourself physically and emotionally in the midst of this pandemic.

Fill your cup by finding church services online, read the Bible or pick up that book you’ve been wanting to read. Pause and enjoy the extra time you have been given with your family. 

But, if you are having trouble moving past your sadness or you just need someone to speak to, please reach out to a therapist or counselor. Many therapists are offering virtual sessions. It is okay to ask for guidance through this time of uncertainty. 

We will get through this! I am here for you! Be well!

This One is For the Heroes!

healthcare heroes coronavirus covid-19 first responders thank you

Navigating our careers through Coronavirus

The Coronavirus pandemic has changed and uprooted everyone’s life one way or another. Perhaps you are overwhelmed by working from home and trying to juggle homeschooling your children, cooking, and cleaning. Or if you live alone, you may feel incredibly lonely while practicing social distancing.

Perhaps you are an essential employee who continues to work. You may feel blessed to have a job, but worry about the potential exposure for yourself and your family.

Or you may be a small business owner who can’t sleep at night trying to figure out how to hold on for you and your employees.

Or perhaps you are someone who has already been laid off and is unsure how you will provide for your family.

No matter where you lie on the spectrum, there has been a change for everyone. And I hope we can all respect and appreciate each individual situation as we navigate through these changes together.

Celebrating the heroes

We can all agree that first responders and healthcare workers all over the world have been affected. Even if we had physically and mentally been prepared, nothing could prepare us for what was to come.

Healthcare workers and first responders all over the world acquiring the virus and many losing their lives while so unselfishly trying to save others. Providers and nurses so selflessly coming out of retirement or traveling to the most severely affected cities to lend a hand.

Jumping in head first regardless of the risk, because it is what they have been called to do. Navigating unchartered waters with daily changes in practices due to so many unknowns with COVID-19.

Providing care to patients with inadequate supplies in a country that we thought was flawless and prepared for just about anything! Long hours of wearing masks and personal protective equipment, to the point that skin breakdown develops behind their ears.

No department is excluded

It has not escaped any department. Even in my world as a Neonatal Nurse Practitioner, there have been “rule-out” and positive cases and we have been exposed. It is scary.

And I have not even come close to experiencing what so many other nurses, physicians, nurse practitioners, respiratory therapists, and healthcare techs have endured. The healthcare workers in the emergency departments and ICUs who are truly on the front line – especially in our cities that have been so affected.

Pure exhaustion and devastation

Healthcare workers moved to tears out of fear, exhaustion, and pure sadness. Seeing more devastation and death in one day than they have witnessed the whole previous year. Supporting their patients in the dying process because otherwise they would have been completely alone.

Unable to process each devastating moment because there are too many more waiting on them.

Many in healthcare who have chosen not to go home and see their family and children at the risk of exposing them. Unable to get a much needed hug from their spouse or children after a grueling day at the hospital. Yet, sadly, you may hear some parents complain about their children being home all day.

So many of my friends, including, but not limited to those pictured below have continued to go to work during the pandemic. We read the daily updates and do our best to keep our patients and ourselves safe!

healthcare heroes nurse first responders hospital coronavirus cover-19 masks nurse practitioner doctor

Give thanks!

So please, take a moment and thank a first responder or healthcare worker today. Although it is our profession and what we are paid to do, the simple “thank you” notes mean so much. The signs outside of the hospitals and the videos of people greeting employees from their cars in the hospital parking lot or from their homes in the city is so beautiful and moving.

After all of this passes, and it will, show those that have been on the front lines some grace. Support them emotionally and check on them frequently. They will need you.

Remembering the patients affected by Coronavirus

We must also remember and honor the patients who have acquired this horrific virus and those that have lost their battle with it. We read and hear heartbreaking stories everyday. The images we have seen on the news or in social media cannot be erased from our memory – even if we try.

Loved ones unable to tell their family member good-bye before their last breath.

So many healthcare workers and first responders losing their life by simply going to work and doing their job.

Give back to the heroes

Consider giving back to honor the heroes.

It can be as simple as a prayer thanking them each night. Help your children write a thank you card to units actively treating COVID-19 patients. Send a catered dinner to a hospital unit or police station. Or simply support one of the many fundraisers to help supply more personal protective equipment for those on the front lines.

Beautycounter is donating a Charcoal Cleansing Bar to healthcare workers through April for every order that is placed. I am personally donating my commission from my event, This One is For the HEROES. I will be supporting a company that is proving masks to Chicago area hospitals and will provide units on the frontline with food.

What can you and your family do to show support? It does not need to be a monetary donation, sometimes the most simple gestures are the most touching.

Stay safe and be well!

Magnet blocks are wonderful for imagination, as well as science and engineering skills.

Kindergarten Toys and Activities

We are in the midst of something that has caught us all off guard and has left us feeling uncertain of not only today, but also the future ahead of us. We are trying to stay afloat in all of the uncertainty, yet we are home schooling, cooking, washing our hands, cleaning, washing, trying to be creative, refereeing, crafting, playing, washing our hands again! To help, I put together some toys and activities that my son absolutely loves!

All of the roles we have taken on

William even fired his Spanish teacher last week (🙋🏻‍♀️Yep! It was me) 🤦🏻‍♀️
But luckily, there are a few toys, some old and some new that have not only kept him entertained, but are also great for imagination, creativity, hand-eye coordination, responsibility, as well as science, math, and engineering skills! They have also kept me sane by giving him something that he enjoys working on individually or that we can do together.

As I’ve said before, us Mamas need too stick together and share our struggles, but also our wins or what is working well. So, I thought I would share what William has been busy with this week in case you need some affordable ideas for your preschool-kindergarten aged child to keep busy during this time of social-distancing.

Magblocks

Magblocks! William has magnet blocks at his school, so I bought him a set a few months ago and he has spent hours playing, building, and imagining with them. They are amazing and worth every penny! You will not regret purchasing a set for your home!
https://amzn.to/2Uy5hSR

Magnet blocks are wonderful for imagination, as well as science and engineering skills.

Learning Resources City Engineering

Learning Resources City Engineering – I bought this set last week and it is already a hit! There are several different options to build including bridges, skyscrapers, and cranes (William’s favorite so far – as he refuses to take it down and build anything else at the moment). He uses his imagination and incorporates other toys in with it. Again, well worth the money! Only $25
https://amzn.to/2UPmXsi

William loves the Learning Resources City Engineering set that is great for imagination, hand-eye coordination, science, math, and engineering skills.

Behavioral Chart

Behavioral Chart – William is becoming more and more independent each day. He loves to do things on his own and loves even more when we praise him for it! The stubbornness that comes with it can be rough at times, but what can I say, he gets it honest and it has served him well thus far! ☺️ I found this responsibility chart and he has taken a lot of pride in it and is currently working towards a big goal! The one I purchased is not currently available on Amazon, but this one is similar!
https://amzn.to/2QYERYc

responsibility, chore, behavioral chart magnetic, excited, proud

Wooden Train Set

The Wooden Train Set – We have had parts of the train set for years and William still loves to build new tracks and play with it. I have to admit that I also get a bit wrapped up in building an amazing track full of bridges, different levels and switch tracks. Again, there are several different versions, but I would start basic with a set like this then add to it as you can!
https://amzn.to/2X0lKRl

William playing with his favorite wooden train set that fits Thomas, Brio, Chuggington, Melissa and Doug, and Imanginarium sets

For more ideas of indoor activities for you children, get My List of 20 Indoor Activities to Keep Your Children Busy HERE! It is full of free, creative, indoor activities for your children until our warm weather arrives! Please comment below and share 1 or 2 of your child’s favorite activities or toys!

I hope you are all holding up, staying well, but most importantly, staying HOME and INSIDE! Continue to support one another with kindness, especially those you are at home with and wash your hands!
😘

Is Fear Holding You Back From Achieving Your Biggest Dream?

What is your biggest dream? 

Do you have a dream or vision churning within you that you cannot let go of? What is holding you back from achieving it?

Most big dreams do not just fall into our laps. We usually have to work incredibly hard to achieve them. But along with working hard, it is also necessary to let go of control, certainty and allow ourselves to be incredibly vulnerable.

Are your fears holding you back?

I’ve recently learned that our fears are actually a guidepost towards our dreams. Yes, you heard me correctly! If you take a look at some of your biggest fears, it is just beyond those where all of your dreams lie. Fear stems from our need to cling onto certainty. Certainty is our desire to predict the outcomes before we proceed. We often only like to do the things that we believe will have the most minimal risk of us not looking good. Or rather, we do not typically put ourselves into a situation where we may look bad! How much of your life is driven by what the outside world thinks of you? Do you live in the safe zone just so you can feel good on the inside?

But it is within the midst of uncertainty, vulnerability, and being uncomfortable where we will grow and start to take steps towards our hopes and dreams. If you want to grow and take steps toward achieving your dreams, then you must get uncomfortable. Fear is essentially a self-defense mechanism to prevent us from being uncomfortable. Our fears are “attempting” to protect us from vulnerability and uncertainty.

So are you going to let your fears keep you from all of your goals? Of course not! If you want a happy, fulfilled, and successful life, you cannot allow uncertainty to drive your choices in life. New accomplishments and achievements will become a reality in the growth zone. When you come upon something that you are fearful of, it is actually a sign that you are on the right track towards your success. You will immediately feel the need to resist. But when resistance shows up in your life, it is actually that very thing you should do to unlock your true potential and greatness. Resistance equals fear.

F.E.A.R

Or look at it this way. There are 4 different types of fear that we face.

F = failure 

E = expectations

A = abilities

R = regret

We fear that we will fail, or that our expectations will not be met, or doubt our ability to reach our goals, or fear that we would regret going after our dreams. Ultimately, looking deep at the root of our fear, it all stems from self-doubt. If we have self-doubt, we tend to procrastinate and prolong facing our fears. If we do not conquer our self-doubt, we will continue to procrastinate and will be that much further from reaching our goals! Just start! By taking the first step towards your dream, you will naturally remove self-doubt. Remember, progress not perfection. 

How to define your dreams!

First things first, what are your big dreams? Is it just one or is your list endless? Have you ever written them down? There are several ways to see your dreams on paper, but I like this one…

To start, get a piece of paper and a pen, go to a private setting, sit quietly and meditate or pray for a few minutes. Next, keep your eyes closed and visualize yourself in 10 years. Where are you? What do you look like? Are you fit? What are you wearing? Where are you living? What are you driving? What are you doing for work? How much money do you make? What does your home look like? Now, open your eyes. 

Write down everything that you just visualized – down to the most precise details you could see. Write down where you are working, how much money is in your bank account, are you married, do you see children? Do not let doubt creep into your mind, just write.

Now, what steps do you need to take to get you to what you just visualized? Does it require an entirely different career path or is it just expanding where you are? Does your goal require you to go back to school? Do you need to start taking a financial class to straighten out your finances?

Focus on one primary goal

I’m sure you are wondering how to know where to start. As I’ve learned and said before, we must focus on a primary goal to prevent feeling overwhelmed. Read HERE for more information on goal setting and why we need to pick one goal and go for it! But how do you decide which one to pick? Look at your description of how you just visualized your best self 10 years from now – what is the one goal that will bring you closer to that ideal self? 

Facing Your Fears

Now, look at that one goal you have decided to focus on, what is preventing you from achieving it today? I’m going to intervene here and assume that a large portion of what is holding you back are your fears. But, you must decide what you want. Make the choice to do it then move on! Remember, it is your fears that are trying to keep you “safe” and protected from uncertainty. But I encourage you to look again at your ideal self 10 years from now, would that person be who they are and where they are without this goal? And, would you ultimately regret not trying to go for it? Regret can be powerful and detrimental to our mental well-being. So let’s avoid it!

By allowing fear to prevent you from following your dreams, you are giving respect to something that will take control over you. Now comes the difficult part, you need to define your fears. It is one thing to know what you are fearful of, but to fully face them, overcome them, and destroy them, you need to define them by writing them down or telling someone. Next, with logic and care, find a solution to them. As you face your fears, you may fall back and encounter mistakes, that is okay! Take a minute to figure out what you’re supposed to learn from the set back and move on! It is the journey that we learn the most from, not the finale.

Go After Your Dreams!

Be brave! Remember, it is actually on the other side of your fears where all of your success lies. By looking at your fears, facing them, and conquering them, you will find your purpose in life. As Bog Heilig says, “Fear is a call from God or the universe to guide you to your true purpose.” You will not be able to unlock your true potential in life without looking at and facing your fears.

Courage does not mean that you are not afraid, it means you are fearful and afraid, but you push through and do it anyway. Once you acknowledge your fear, push past it and conquer it, you will unlock your true potential. Your true purpose from God on this earth sits just behind that fear!

I believe in you, you just need to start believing in yourself!  

All My Love, Nicole

 

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The One Thing You Need For the New Year!

Happy New Year!

Like all of you, I have been thinking of new goals for the new year. Who doesn’t want to start out a new year with new behaviors? It is a season that we tend to reflect on our previous year and feel we are offered an opportunity to improve. Josh asked me what my 3 goals were for the upcoming year and to be honest, I haven’t answered him. I want to be very specific yet broad all at the same time. Does anyone else feel that way?

Focusing on one goal at a time

I listen to a lot of podcasts during my drives to and from work. I mean, a lot of podcasts, too many podcasts! Although they are all valuable, they leave me feeling like I can conquer the world! I tend to get too many ideas and become way to ambitious! My grandiose ideas steer me into too many lanes and I am not nearly as laser focused as I should be on specific goals.

One thing I have learned, but still need to work on, is that you should start with one specific goal. If you set your eyes on several goals and do not focus on one, you will end up doing everything half-assed (sorry for the language). As Rachel Hollis has said, if you throw a bunch of pebbles into a lake, it will make small ripples in the water but not much movement. Now, throw a boulder into the lake and you’ll make a ginormous splash and some serious movement!

We all need to see some serious movement within the goals we have set for ourselves. Movement means progress which will continue to motivate you to keep fighting for that particular goal. Without movement, progress, and motivation, you may begin to feel discouraged and will quit.

Declare your goal

Once you have picked out your one particular goal – say it out loud! Not only should you say it, you should scream it from the roof tops! I am going to…..!!! Tell your spouse, your best friend, your parents, or just scream it out loud in your car (I’ve done that before and it actually worked). Also, this is important, you must be resolute and state your goal in the form of a statement. Do not say, I want to run a 5K, rather say, “I am going to run a 5K!” When you declare a goal, say it as though it is DEFINITELY going to happen!

My goal for this year

So here it goes, my declaration: I am going to present at two speaking engagements this year! Now, I am specifying two events because I already have one speaking engagement scheduled. I would be cheating myself, lying to all of you, and not challenging myself if I do not go beyond what I have planned already. I have decided to challenge myself and put myself out there a bit this year. Do I love public speaking, no – not really at all. But I see an opportunity to share some things I’m passionate about. I have had personal experiences that I feel other people would benefit from hearing about.

Speaking Engagement #1

This month, I will be speaking at a Women’s Winter Retreat hosted by Allerton Retreat Center and CUltivate. A great friend mentioned that she was going to be presenting and wondered if I would be interested as well. I thought, sure! In full transparency, I was not chosen to speak at this event nor did I apply. I emailed a chairperson, shared a topic idea that I feel I am knowledgeable in that would benefit women, and she said, “Sure!” So I will be presenting Clean Living – Why you should consider leading a cleaner lifestyle. I do not presume to be perfect in this topic, but as I have learned more I feel the need to share more.

Here in the U.S., there is a significant lack of regulation to protect us as consumers, especially from the ingredients in personal care products. Click HERE to learn how to keep you and your family safe. Or read this post on Phthalates, to understand why you should steer clear of them!

Sorry, I digress – but if you are local and interested in learning some valuable information to enhance your personal or professional life from some amazing local women, consider signing up for the Women’s Winter Retreat! I am looking forward to meeting new women, developing new friendships, networking, relaxing and learning ways to improve myself and have a kick butt year! I’d love to see you there!

Speaking Engagement #2

My second speaking engagement in 2020 is not as much of a sure thing. I have no idea if I will actually get the opportunity to present, but I really want this one! I pray that my passion and what I envision for this topic are portrayed clearly in my submission. If you are the praying kind, I’m not afraid to ask for a little prayer for this one. The topic is incredibly relevant in the arena and I feel that it could really affect the attendees.

Honestly, I wasn’t going to declare my goal on here, but I felt a bit hypocritical, and I do not like hypocrites, so here it goes. I am going to speak at a nursing conference  in a concurrent session on the importance of Family-Centered Care. Did you see how I stated it although I actually have no idea if it will actually happen!

After years have passed, I have come to the realization that I have been blessed with a different perspective. Although, it has taken me awhile to consider it a blessing. After being a NICU nurse for years and a NNP, sitting on the other side of the isolette as a mother of a 23 weeker, forever changed me. I know William’s story will change other lives as well and be incredibly impactful. So I am going to do it!

What are your goals?

It is time to dream, my friends. If not today, then when?

State your goal, then start to work backwards to figure out how you are going to achieve it. Write those steps down. Make sure the steps are measurable and concrete. Vagueness is a cop-out. Be brave, precise, and bold. If it was easy, you would have done it already. But you need very specific steps to get you to your dream. Write them down, dig deep, and get to work!

What you need to get started

Planners

Depending on your goal, you may need very specific things. But to start, I recommend a planner. Even with all of the technology, I still find it necessary and productive to have a paper planner. To keep yourself organized and on task, you should have a space to write down your daily, weekly and monthly priorities and goals. I really like this one by Clever Fox.

                     Planner with detailed daily and weekly priorities

Or this beauty by Smart Planner Pro. What I love about this planner is that it also has a place for daily gratitude. Practicing gratitude on a daily basis is an amazing behavior to adapt. Focusing on your daily blessings trains your mind to naturally see and appreciate the good things in your life.

The Pens

Now, here is the one thing I promise you need for the new year – in addition to all of the above! 😉 Amazing Pens! I have found the creme de la creme of pens! If you are a nurse or nurse practitioner, you understand the important of a good pen!

Also, because I love a clean and flawless organizer, checkbook etc. without marks all over it, I have found erasable pens – that actually work! Not only are the pens erasable, but they write beautifully and come in gorgeous colors so you can color coordinate your planner! Yes, nerd alert!!! The pens are from FriXion and they come in a colorful pack of 7 – Check them out HERE!

Happy New Year! I hope you all have an amazing year ahead of you! Reach for the stars, declare your goal, dig in and go for it! I’d love to hear what your goal is for the year, so please comment!

Love, Nicole

O Christmas Tree

Our Christmas Tree Story

Christmas Wreath
My new Christmas Wreath I made this year!

In my younger years

Almost every year, I have had a Christmas tree up in my home. Growing up, my parents would take us out to the tree farm and we would pick out the best tree. To ensure we had the perfect tree, I would continue to look even after my family had picked one out. It had to be perfect!

The tradition continued. Living in Naperville, by myself, I would go to a store, pick out a real tree, get it home and somehow get it up in the tree stand without any help (to be honest, I am still unaware how I did that and why I insisted on it). One year, I came home to find a tree on my floor and a total disaster in my living room, which lead me to maybe one Christmas without a tree and an artificial one in the years to follow.

After marriage…

After Josh and I got married, we continued to use my 8 ft artificial tree for a few years. Although, our living room has vaulted ceilings with a cat walk, so Josh always thought my 8 ft tree looked silly. So, we bit the bullet and bought a beautiful, pre-lit, 12 ft artificial tree in November of 2016. Although it wasn’t real, I loved this tree. It was tall and thin and perfect!

Our former, beautiful, pre-lit, 12 ft Christmas tree

The 12 Pains of Christmas

We already had found our perfect tree, check, so we put up our tree on November 27th. Josh dreads the day that we put the tree up and all of the Christmas decorations come out and invade our home. This year, he started to put our artificial tree together and while he was rigging up the lights… guess what? We started to notice that several areas of the lights were not working. After multiple attempts of changing out the plug fuses, we tried again and nothing. As we worked up, which I insisted that we try, they continued to not work! Ugh!

A little background on Josh, he does not and will not spend hours messing around with things that do not work. He was ready to toss our 3 year old, beautiful, pre-lit, 12 ft, tall and skinny tree on the curb. I suggested that we just add our own lights on top of the others and he threw out a line I often use, ta-ta-tacky. Double ugh!

Warranty, yeah right!

I do what I do best and called the store where we purchased the tree ready to chew them out! They sent me to the tree company and I spoke with a lovely (not-so-much) women. She let me know that there is a 3-year warranty on our tree and our warranty had expired. Really? And how did she know what day I purchased the tree? How could she presume it would be expired? I was informed that if I could find a receipt, it would be considered. Now I do typically keep most receipts, but to find it would have been quite a task.

So I decided to look back at my pictures from 2016 and see what day we decorated the tree presuming it would be the day we bought it. Are you ready for this? November 26, 2016!!! Three years and one day. Are you kidding me?!? Somehow, I was not surprised to find myself in this ironic situation!

So, our beautiful, 3 year old, perfect tree went back into the boxes and on the curb. Sadly, I was not the one having a breakdown about it. William had been asking, begging, and pleading to decorate our tree for days – so for him to see it go back into the boxes and on the curb was dreadful. No perfect tree, uncheck.

Our New Tree

Wait! I’m sorry, who did you say picked out the tree?

After the devastation of our gorgeous, pre-lit, 12 ft tree sitting outside on my curb, Josh informed me that he would like to get a real tree this year. I was surprised but totally game! I thought it would be so magical to take the kids and find the perfect tree. Josh, like many husbands really tries to “fix things” and make projects more simple. Although he typically believes that he is thinking of me, he often forgets what makes me tick. So, once he called to let me know that the people at the Garden Shop had picked out our tree, I was a bit apprehensive. Wait – what? You haven’t even seen the tree? Most importantly, I haven’t seen the tree!!! I was cautiously optimistic to come home and see the glorious tree.

Upon our arrival home, I forget Reece’s exact words, but it was something along the lines of, “Colie is going to freak out!” And I did. I turned the corner and found this…

Our gigantic Christmas tree

Little full, lotta sap

Now, what you cannot appreciate in the above picture is the fact that the tree is taking up the whole entire walkway. I pretty much panicked when I walked in and saw it! What was my husband thinking? In his defense, the tree was completely wrapped when he brought it into our home. Then he unleashed the beast! I mean, there are no words! Josh was trying to convince me that it will work with a bit of a trim. Uh huh. I told him that we would make it work because I was not spending any more money on a tree this year.

I was not the only one who was becoming anxious

William began to quickly pick up on my anxiety and he started to become upset. He said he didn’t like the new tree and wanted our old one back (me too Bud).

To keep my anger and anxiety in check, I preoccupied my thoughts with vacuuming up what was formerly my rug that had been transformed into a bed of pine needles. Clearly the hum of the shop-vac had tuned out what Josh was doing behind me! I turned around to see him sawing off tree branches from the back of the tree! Aghhhh! I screamed, “what are you doing?!?” He was sawing, yes, you read that correctly, sawing off not just one, but two, large branches off the back of the tree! NOOOOOOO!

What had been an oversized, too-big for our home, gigantic tree was now all of the aforementioned, plus it now had a giant hole in the back of it! Breathe, breathe! But I just couldn’t. I kind of lost it on Josh! Screaming, “You trim from the outside in, you cannot take off entire branches! Now we have a HUGE tree with a gigantic hole in the back!” Unfortunately, William was present during this discussion as well and was really getting upset. He was tearful and said he did not like our new tree.

Removing yourself from the situation

I needed some air and to be honest, William did too. We left for a bit to run a couple of errands. William was really concerned about the tree and I’m embarrassed to say, my reaction to it. He said to me when we were in the car, “Mommy, I’m not having any luck with that new tree.” I told William, “You know what Bud, I am not either, but it will be okay.” As I began to explain to him that our new tree was not what Christmas was about, I realized that I clearly needed to remind myself of the same thing.

Our Tree in a New Light

Upon our return, the tree was still there. We were pivoting it and turning it trying to find it’s good side. Yes, I said the tree’s good side. Our dilemma was complicated because where the tree sits in our home allows you the opportunity to appreciate the beauty of the tree from three different sides. Soooo, one giant hole could still be appreciated no matter how we turned it. “True meaning of Christmas, true meaning of Christmas.”

Word had spread in the neighborhood about our amazing tree. Our friends came to check it out and they were stunned to say the least. My friend, Kellie, who helps me keep things in perspective suggested that we try to “tie up some branches.” Okay, let’s do it! So we put Josh under the tree and we began to lift up branches using zip ties. She was really starting to look pretty good.

A different perspective

Two different pizza delivery drivers came by our house that night (long story) and their reactions were priceless! Each of them were mesmerized by our tree! The decorating of our gigantic tree had commenced! The Christmas love and magic I believe so strongly in was going to come through in this tree! William was very proud of where he put each ornament and he truly enjoyed decorating it! I mean, we may have had 3 ornaments per branch, but she was really starting to become a beauty!

William and I decorating our tree

True Meaning of Christmas

Although it took several different nights to complete our tree decorating process due to needing 10 feet of lights, hundreds of ornaments, our large ladder, and stamina – we did it!

After we were done decorating, William stood back and said, “I love our Christmas tree! It is so beautiful!” And it truly was! It is amazing how we can get so caught up in the nonsense of Christmas, whether it’s finding the perfect tree or dealing with Christmas lights. We get so stressed trying to find the perfect gift for everyone, the sales, and craziness of shopping. But as William and I were on our drive, I had explained to him, and needed to remind myself of what Christmas was really about. In our home, it is first and foremost about the birth of our Savior, Jesus and what a glorious day that is! Additionally, it is about the love, magic and belief that we carry in our hearts especially during this time of year. Christmas is a time of giving and remembering all of our family and friends.

So as stressed as I was initially with our ginormous Christmas tree, we have all embraced it and love it! It is a comical story I hope our children remember, can laugh about, and share with their children one day. Our Christmas Eve service today with the beautiful music and glorious message had Reece and I moved to tears, so those are the moments to cherish and embrace, not what our tree looks like.

P.S. I’ll be sure to share part II of this story after we figure out how to get this gigantic tree out of our home after Christmas! Wish us luck!

MERRY CHRISTMAS Friends!

Love, Josh, Nicole, Reece, William, and Rudy Nyberg!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Celebrating and honoring all mothers on Mother’s Day

Celebrating all mothers on Mother’s Day

Honoring all mothers on Mother's Day
Our family

The grief that may come to many on Mother’s Day

I wanted to take a minute and explain why I believe all mothers should be honored on Mother’s Day.  It should be a joyous day, but it may not be for everyone.  The weeks building up to it and the actual day can be difficult for many people.  We are blessed enough to still have my mother and mother-in-law in our lives, but many people have lost their mothers, and mourn them even more on Mother’s Day.  Many women have hopes of becoming a mother, but for whatever reason, often due to infertility or other complications, that dream has yet to be fulfilled. For many women, they mourn for their children that they were never able to meet alive or some have gone through the horrific tragedy of losing their child.  A day that is meant to be joyful can quickly turn into a day that many may dread or have a hard time getting through.

The different types of mothers we need to honor

Many women may not have children of their own, but they may play the role of a mother.  We also need to celebrate those women as well! You may be an aunt, a teacher, a mentor, or an amazing friend – remember, you mean so much to those children, do not take your role lightly, and celebrate it!  You may be a step-mother and you are unsure of your place, but believe me, your role is incredibly important!

Being a step-mother

I officially became a mother to my step-daughter, Reece, when Josh and I got married in September of 2013.  We have definitely had our ups and downs, but overall, we have a great relationship.  Has it been difficult? Absolutely! Becoming a step-mom has been one of the most difficult experiences I have ever been through.  I often feel as though I’m the first one to blame and the last one to thank.  I care so much and I have the best intentions in mind, but I often feel that my opinion and role are second fiddle because I am just her step-mom.

Defining your role as a step-mother

I know some step-mothers struggle with which role they will play – will they be more of a friend or a mom.  For me, I instantly took on the motherly role.  Although, at the young age of 6, Reece gave me the line, “you’re not my mom” after I had scolded her one time very quickly.  🙂 I have always known that she may not like me in the moment, but I know that deep down she does love me.  It brings me so much joy to see how kind, loving, and well-mannered she is – or at least as much as a thirteen year old can be 😉  She loves Jesus and is an amazing big sister! I feel blessed to have had an opportunity to play a small part in her life! Although it hasn’t been easy, I feel like we are better than we have ever been and I’m excited to see what our future holds!

Being a step-mom
Reece and I

William, my first born

William.  He has taught me more than anyone in my life thus far!  Throughout my pregnancy and since he took his first breath, nothing has been easy for him, but he has continued to persevere.  He had to be emergently delivered at 23 4/7 weeks and weighed only 1 lb, 6 oz.

Living in the NICU – Living with no regrets

He is now a strong, funny, sarcastic, smart, shy, strong-willed, determined 5-year old.  After 91 days in the NICU, we were able to bring him home.  Once we walked out of those NICU doors, I was completely a different person and with an renewed sense of trust, faith, hope, and belief.  I feel so blessed to be his mother.  Josh used to get after me when William was in the NICU because I spent all of my waking hours sitting next to his isolette or holding him when I could.  It was the most helpless feeling I have ever experienced.  As a Mom, I wanted to protect him and I believed as though I had already failed him in that regard.  I could not protect him in the womb, so I had told myself that I was going to sit there and fight the fight with him.  If God forbid anything happened to him, I did not want to have any regrets.  Considering everything he had to endure and for how hard he had to fight, the least I could do was sit there, pray with him, sing to him, love him, and support him.

My strong-WILLed 5 year old

William is doing remarkably well considering he was born so prematurely.  There are still some things that are more difficult for him.  It is hard to decipher what may be due to his prematurity versus him just being William.  And in reality, it doesn’t really matter.  But as a mother, to see your child struggle is incredibly difficult.  All I have ever wanted to do is protect him and I can’t always do that, even now.  He is definitely a little spoiled, but still so kind, incredibly strong-willed and he has such a big heart.

He made me a Mama
William and I at his fifth birthday party

My personal struggle with miscarriages

After William, we waited awhile, but then decided to proceed with building our family.  I became pregnant and Josh and I were cautiously optimistic.  Just as in William’s pregnancy, my first trimester went by very smoothly.  But as I entered into the second trimester, I quickly began to have problems that mimicked my pregnancy with William.  Unfortunately, unlike William’s pregnancy, they were unable to stop the preterm labor and I delivered my son Weston at 14 weeks.  That same year, I experienced another miscarriage in my 8th week of pregnancy.  I think of the babies I lost EVERY. SINGLE. DAY, but Mother’s Day is extremely difficult for me.

If you have experienced a miscarriage or know someone who has, please visit HERE and listen to my conversation, Working Through Emotions After a Miscarriage with Julia Pascoe, LCSW.

Honoring your infants after a miscarriage
Remembering mothers who have had a miscarriage or loss

Bereaved Mother’s Day

There is a day called International Bereaved Mother’s Day that is celebrated the week before Mother’s Day.  It is dedicated to remember mothers who have either lost a child or have not been able to conceive.  I like the idea of this, but at the same time, I also believe that these women should be honored on Mother’s Day.  They are still mothers and always will be.  Even if I was not lucky enough to have Reece or William, I would still be a Mama to Weston and Baby Nyberg.

So next year, please remember those who may struggle a little more on Mother’s Day.  Talk to them about it and do not be afraid to tell them Happy Mother’s Day!

Has your sorrow ever blindsided you on a Monday afternoon?

 

Moving on from your grief – or are you?

I am just like you.  I have grief and anguish that rises up within me on a daily basis from previous chapters in my story.  Someone may look at me on the outside and assume that my heart has not been completely crumbled and that I do not have daily struggles. In my professional life, I am able to go to work, do my job well and for the most part, hold it together.  But, I am broken on the inside too. I have been able to put one foot in front of the other and move on from my losses.  But that’s just it, I have moved on, but not through my many layers of pain.  

Sadly, the pain that we carry inside of us from our difficult chapters will follow us until we work through it.  Over time, we will just keep piling up our baggage until we almost break physically and mentally.  

How do you know when you aren’t handling your grief well?

Late last year I finally admitted to myself that I was struggling.  There seemed to be more bad days than good.  Looking back now, I knew that I was not my best self for awhile before that day.  I was snapping more at my family and I was much more short-tempered and sometimes, just mean.  I realized that I had never actually worked through my pain and losses.  It is amazing how time still moves on regardless of what you may personally be going through.  Before you know it, a few days pass by, followed by a month, then years.

Has your sorrow ever blindsided you on a Monday afternoon?

You may be at work, playing with your kids, or driving in your car and you’re hit with complete and utter sadness and hopelessness.  Have you ever experienced such sadness that it physically makes you buckle in the knees and fall to the floor in complete despair? I know I have! Listen HERE to hear a recent and raw personal experience of mine.

Do you have moments of just wanting to crawl into hole and cry like a baby but you somehow force yourself to keep it together because you are in front of your children or at work.  Personally, I try my best to not get upset in front of my son because he becomes very distraught if he sees me crying and tells me that I’m not sad which is his way to convince himself that I’m okay.  Over time, you may even become impressed by your own ability to repeatedly shove the pain down and tuck it away for a “different day.”  

Have you ever been ashamed of how sad you really are – even to your spouse?

Have you ever tried to hide from your husband when you couldn’t control the tears running down your face?  You are simply too ashamed and cannot bear to see that look in his eyes again, full of worry, concern or worse yet – judgement. Do you smile, laugh at jokes and continue to show everyone on the outside just how well you really are doing?  Yes, yes, and yes!!!  Unfortunately, the facade you present to the outside world just hinders the inevitable and your ability to truly heal.

Does the thought of seeing a therapist make you feel ashamed?

I have felt and done all of the aforementioned.  Moving on and not actually through your grief and sadness is a great defense mechanism.  Many of us have perfected it out of necessity, but it will not lend well to your current and future well-being.  For me, I had told myself that have a family, a busy job, a home to care for and quite honestly, I just didn’t have the time to go and talk to someone – or maybe I just didn’t think that I needed to.  

Does the thought of seeing a therapist scare you or make you feel ashamed? Not me! I love therapy! I think I was just in denial that I needed help and sadly, as a mother and wife often does, I was putting everyone else’s needs above my own – until I couldn’t any more.  By carrying all of the weight of my sadness and grief, I was not serving my family well – or more importantly, myself! Happy wife, happy life – rather healthy wife, healthy life!  

Progress, not perfection

I still deal with some of my sadness on a daily basis, but I am in the process of working through it.  Progress, not perfection.  Deep down, I know that there are pieces of my heart that cannot be completely mended back together, but I do believe that with therapy and support from friends and family that I can start living my best life.  

I am hopeful that as I continue to slowly work through my pain, disappointment, and grief that I am able to help you or someone you love who may be struggling as well.  If you feel as though you are having a difficult time moving beyond your sadness and grief, I also encourage you to find a friend, support group, counselor or therapist to start working through your grief.  We will get there!  

If you or someone you know has had a miscarriage or the loss of an infant, please consider reading this post with some optional podcasts to listen to where I sit down with my friend, Julia Pascoe, LCSW. We discuss working through the many different emotions after a miscarriage as well as the anger, guilt, and loss of control many woman endure. I am here to offer support and help and most importantly, for you to know that you are not alone. 

 

 

What is your story?

“Wake up Nicole, you had a baby boy.” The words I had been waiting to hear since I was a little girl dreaming of my future family. But my reality was far from the perfect story I had envisioned all of those years before.

What is your story? We all have a story. I have a story. My story is not extraordinary but it’s my story and is has forever changed me and the person I am today. I have had some great and glorious chapters in my story, but I have also endured some very difficult experiences in my life that were completely out of my control. Admitting that I do not have control over many chapters in my story is a very difficult concept for me to grasp and accept, and it may be for you as well. But how do you handle those left turns that knock you off of your feet? Regardless of our personal stories, we do have the ability to change some of the chapters in our lives. What kind of person are you? When something devastating occurs in your life, are you someone who will fall down to the ground in complete despair, with feelings of utter hopelessness and with the complete inability to move and get back up? Or are you someone who collapses to the floor, has a moment, but with time accepts what has happened, and begins to dig deep down inside to find the inner strength and determination to pull yourself back up and fight? The beauty of owning your own life story, is that you can change the chapters in your story! It is up to you!

Welcome to my new blog! My name is Nicole Nyberg. I am not a motivational speaker, nor am I a therapist. I am a woman, a daughter, a sister, a wife, a mom, a step-mom, a co-worker, and a friend who, just like you has experienced real life situations. I have learned some things through each of the chapters in my life and I continue to learn new things everyday! Have you ever felt like an experience in your life has repeated itself? As I look back on my life, I can now appreciate that sometimes a situation has repeated itself over and over until I actually came out of my fog and was able to learn the intended lesson – even if it took several times (insert eye roll)! My “Clean Up Your Act” blog is a place where I hope to share stories, laughter, ideas, joy, suggestions, generosity, tips, recommendations, and sometimes even a swift kick in the rear to help you clean up your act on the inside and out! I will speak very directly to you (and try to not be offensive) to help encourage you to take your life by the horns, accept the good, the bad, and the ugly and begin to live your best life! Now is the time to get up off the ground, accept your reality, take responsibility for your own actions and change the chapters in your life!

I will never pretend to have all of the answers nor will I put on a masquerade that my life and my well-being are in a perfect state. I have made and continue to make mistakes in my life on a daily basis just like you! I have been learning a lot over the last few years about living a cleaner life. I try to closely watch what I put into my mouth, what we put on our bodies, and how we clean our home. After hearing some of the absurd statistics regarding harmful chemicals in our food, personal care products, and cleaning products, I cannot unlearn the information and will not go back to living the way that I used to! Lately, I have also been focusing more on my mental and physical well-being and am working towards being a better version of myself. Again, I am a work in progress and will never claim perfection, but I hope you will join me in my journey! Thank you for taking time from your busy life to read my first blog! Be well, Nicole.